…and why it’s going to take every ounce of my being not to spoil it for anyone.
Yes, sorry, I’m one of those fans. I’ve read all the books. So believe me when I tell you that Game of Thrones Season 4 is something I have been waiting for since I read A Storm of Swords. You thought last season was good? Oh kids, you aint seen nothing yet.
Despite my love-hate relationship with George. R. R. Martin, I thoroughly enjoyed the final half of the third book. The pacing was fantastic, the characters were just awesome and shit got real. And not always by simply cutting the heads off a few main characters. Although, that still does happen. I guess it wouldn’t be Game of Thrones otherwise. Don’t worry, I promise I won’t spoil anything – but I will say that the third book has some of the most intriguing storyline progression since the dragons showing up.
Season 4 begins rather peacefully. Tyrion awaits the arrival of House Martel, King Joffery is prancing around like a prat, Daenerys is marching on some poor unsuspecting town with her slave army and dragons, Dario has somehow changed his face, Margery is preparing for her wedding, Sansa is crying, Jamie Lannister realises that things are a little different since he left, and Tywin is still the best contester for the Westeros Father of the Year award.
However, Tumblr and the rest of the internet have finally realised something that I have understood since book 1. That House Martel are just badass. Prince Oberyn, you handsome viper – you are everything I dreamed and more. But it was meeting the first Sand Snake, Ellaria Sand, that got me really excited. Although House Tyrell is ruled by some very cunning ladies, and House Targaryen’s last hope is on the Mother of Dragons, the Sand Snakes of Dorne are some of the most fearsome ladies in all of Westeros and beyond.
Last night, the season 4 Game of Thrones trailer was released. Something to keep us entertained while we wait the three months until the release date.
But this season is going to be worth the wait. Trust me – I read the books.
You thought Season 3 was good? It was only the first half of the third book, A Storm of Swords. Guess what? The second half of that book – that’s where things really get interesting.
Don’t judge me. I cross-stitch. It’s nice to do something creative while you sit on your arse, watching Youtube. But it’s been awhile. I grew sick and tired of embroidering kittens and flower samples. Little did I know that the internet was full of some awesome, geeky patterns to finish, frame and decorate the house with. If there’s a fandom, there’s a cross-stitch pattern. Here’s a few favourites I found on the internet:
… and why we’re suckers for cute t’shirts and movie quotes.
Hit the Sydney night-life the other night with a group of guys. We ended up at a club called the Retro – a large building that includes a typical TAB on the ground floor, a club playing hits from the 70s, 80s, 90s (which appeared to be absolutely fully of hens nights for any guys out on the prowl) on the second floor, a very standard club on the third floor, and a wonderful roof-top bar with a pretty nice view on the fourth.
As a very brief review, the place wasn’t bad. There was no sound merging between floors – a difficult feat given the different genres. We went on a surprisingly quiet night apparently, but the second floor was still very busy, if you like to dance to that kind of music. If you prefer your more average night clubs, the third floor was very quiet and looked a lot more like a strip club – I can’t imagine it being a popular haunt. Personally, I prefer bars to clubs, and the roof-top met all the requirements. The wine was fine, there was a selection of decent mixers, nice atmosphere. I would’ve liked to explore the whole area, but sadly there was a Christmas function taking over about a third of the top floor.
Anyway, during this adventure, one of my friends commented offhandedly how hard it is to find geeky girls. I guess I’m now writing in response to that comment, because the whole concept puzzled me. What is it about us that makes us so elusive? The fabled ‘geek girl’ is almost treated like a fairy-tale on the internet – a creature surrounded by rumours and speculation, even as the real thing jumps up and down and declares it all to be false. But, to many, even members of our own culture, we are an enigma. But why? We are all just humans after all. Aren’t we all the same – aren’t we all totally unique?
Although it wasn’t what he said, the next day I understood better what he meant. This friend of mine is a geek himself – a game designer, who enjoys watching Anime and Doctor Who, and who plays Dungeons and Dragons and Magic the Gathering in his spare time. Essentially, one of us. What he was meaning was that he wanted to meet someone like him, and how difficult it is amoungst the usual patrons of a nightclub. And he is right. None of us really looked particularly comfortable in our surroundings. I’m on the more extroverted end of the spectrum, but even this was far more than I could really handle, let alone the sweet, perhaps introverted girl who would much prefer staying at home with a good book.
So, if you don’t find them in a nightclub, where do you find them? It’s all about living. We all need to go out for a coffee, or go to the library, or catch a bus home. Unfortunately, in those places, you are forced to be sober. And without your Magical Confidence Juice, where will you find the courage to walk up to that cute girl wearing the Adventure Time t’shirt and talk to her? And what about that bombshell in the cafe – she’s reading a Kindle, and you could’ve sworn it had Game of Thrones on it. But how can you be sure? Look at her, with her perfect hair, surely she’s not interested in that kind of thing.
Geeks don’t always advertise their presence. But sometimes they do, and often it helps. I own tights with the map of Middle Earth on them. They look incredibly cool, whether you are a Lord of the Rings fan or not, but every so often someone comes up to me and says “I love your Middle Earth tights. Where did you get them?” 90% of the time, these are girls. But the point is they are easy conversation starters. If you see someone across the room that you may fancy, and you notice they’re wearing a wicked cross-over t’shirt that you understand, go comment on it. They won’t think you’re creepy, just act natural. Take note of their social cue, if they stop what they’re doing to say thank you, see if you can continue the conversation easily. If they don’t, and just reply with a curt nod, then back away slowly. Girls – don’t be cowards, this works for you too.
Another option is breaking the ice with a super-nerdy pick-up line. Look some up on the internet, and use them. If (s)he’s the right girl/guy for you, she will understand. If someone came up to me and asked,
“Do you eat, I do. Would you like to go eat in the same room sometime?”*
I could only say yes.
*that’s a reference from Black Books… in case you missed it. But if you were the right guy for me, you wouldn’t have to ask.
Welcome new readers to Critical Lit – a blog posted every Friday that talks about books, writing and the things in between, all part of the incredibly nerdy blogging collection of Obiter Ocelot (that’s me.) It’s a summary of what I’m reading, what I’m excited to read, and any literature news I stumble across in my search.
This week’s purchases:
Edgar Allan Poe’s Complete Poetical Works – Edgar Allan Poe
With an impending move from New Zealand to Australia, I need to narrow down my physical library and build up my electronic one. Fortunately the Amazon.com site has a collection of free kindle books. This is why this week’s purchase list contains so many poetry books, all which cost me $0.00.
Shakespeare’s Sonnets – William Shakespeare
Another addition to increase the literary merit of my kindle collection, which is severely lacking due to the embarrassing collection of smut purchased for the Vaginal Fantasy Book Club. It has been a long time though since I read any Shakespeare so I’m looking forward to cracking through these.
Poems by Emily Dickinson – Emily Dickinson
Fell in love with her poem “After great pain a formal feeling comes –” I don’t remember when I heard it, but I was absolutely besotted with the style and the beauty of the words. It’s taken me a long time to actually pick up a collection of poems by Emily Dickinson, so this is going to be good. To be read in a cafe or park bench in the height of Australian summer.
The Poetry of Robert Browning – Robert Browning
Last of the poetry collections of the week. Never really been a Browning fan but I thought I’d give it a try.
The Lord of the Rings – J. R. R. Tolkien
Please don’t judge me, but I’m a New Zealander and fantasy reader who has never actually read the entirety of the Lord of the Rings. My excuse is that I just never have had the time. So, while trawling through amazon.com, I decided to just buy a copy to take with me across the ditch. I also have the movies on standby, so I can remember what my country looks like. Green rolling hills fill with hobbit holes.
Warrior: (Blades of the Rose) – Zoe Archer
This month’s read for Vaginal Fantasy. I’m not entirely looking forward to this one – generally I prefer the fantasy smut that is discussed. But I figure it’s worth a shot.
The Ode Less Travelled – Stephen Fry
I read extracts of this when I did that one terrible creative writing course at university that one time. And those occasional extracts were worth more to my writing education than the hundreds of dollars I spent in course fees. So finally I’ve picked up the book. Hopefully this will be on next week’s reading list.
This week’s reading list:
The Battleaxe (The Axis Trilogy) – Sara Douglass: Loving it. So glad this is just the first of a series.
Life of Pi – Yann MartelI: Better than I expected. I wish this had been on my school’s reading list instead of To Kill a Mocking Bird.
Last Dragon Standing (Dragon Kin) – G. A. Aiken: Terrible Smut. The fourth of a series, and the most disappointing to date. Want to hurry up and get through it so I can find a better hero and heroin.
Feast for Crows (A Song of Ice and Fire) – George R. R. Martin: I was warned about this book. After the rollercoster ending of Storm of Swords (I promise there will be no spoilers on this page. Ever. But hell you guys are in for a treat,) we have a blatant case of writer’s block. Half way through and not a lot has happened. Only really good bit is that after three books we FINALLY get to meet House Martell. And they’re pretty cool.
Quote of the week:
“Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make. Good. Art.” – Neil Gaiman
Critical Lit is the latest installment by Obiter Ocelot and is released every Friday.
This week’s Book Review:
Dragon Actually – G. A. Aiken
Everyone has a guilty little secret. Sometimes the guilt is so strong, that you never tell anybody, not even your best friend. Occasionally it’s hardly a secret, but deep down you wonder if it should be. It might be the weekly McD’s cheese burger you eat, even though you’re a vegetarian. Or maybe you go clay-bird shooting even though you’re an activist against firearms. Or maybe it’s that copy of twilight on your bookshelf, even though you’re a raging feminist who thinks the story pushes back woman’s suffrage three decades.
Or, maybe, like me, you’re a writer and peruser of fine literature, and yet you dabble in romance. You write for fan fiction websites, you beta amateur smut stories, or you purchase geek-themed romance novels with the mantra ‘the more smut, the better.’
This is one of my earliest forays into the naughty genre, courtesy of the Geek and Sundry bookclub “Vaginal Fantasy.” It was first read out of irony with a healthy dose of seeing-what-the-fuss-was-about. And… well…
I guess before I go too far, the story is about Annwyl the Bloody, a warrior princess with huge bazongas and a temper that causes her to rampage with the strength of an entire army. She gets captured by a dragon, Fearghus the Destroyer (permanently read as Fergus, which sadly is not a very scary or sexy dragon name) who befriends this intriguing female. He also helps her train by bringing in “The Incredibly Sexy Knight” who gets under Annwyl’s skin. She becomes confused and conflicted by her emotions, because on one hand she is physically attracted to the Knight, and on the other hand she finds herself falling in love with the dragon but <SPOILERS> they’re one in the same person because dragon’s can SHAPE-SHIFT. Hardly the most surprising plot twist I’ve ever read, but hey, that’s not why we’re here.
From what I can gather, in the world of G. A. Aiken there is no such thing as a dragon who shape-shifts into an unsexy human. Judging by the sheer number of offspring that dragon’s have – Fearghus is from a family of five, his father was from thirteen or something equally as ridiculous – coupled with their lifespan of about 800 years, there must be an incredible number of attractive men roaming the world. Not that I’m complaining. Perhaps the critique lies in jealousy.
This is book that I absolutely hate to enjoy. And it’s not because of the aforementioned guilty secret, but because this should offend me on so many levels, and yet… Firstly, you have a group of often completely unrealistic characters. Annwyl ought to be the strong, independent warrior woman with a level of prowess, control and discipline that comes from all that time being part of an army. Instead she has this murderous temper that well crosses into the territory of psychotic. There is this constant talk of her ripping people’s heads off, chopping them off with swords, or axes or any other weapon at her disposal. Ok, she beheads people. I get it. But no, I don’t hardly find it endearing. And I cannot understand why all these males that surround her do. Also, for someone who reads so much, she has next to no common sense.
Fearghus doesn’t nearly annoy me at the level Annwyl does. Occasionally I find him a little ridiculous, such as his childish scraps with his siblings, but he is one of the characters that kept me engaged. He’s sexy, a little dark and mysterious, a touch of romantic and a whole lot of wicked. G. A. Aiken knows how to write some tasty men, I’ll certainly give her that. Sometimes I found it a little two-dimensional and not overly exciting, but the quality was always good, and you never found yourself getting bored during the smut scenes. Always a promising start. They were at a great pace, always different with a good bit of spice. And I generally attribute that to Fearghus’ character. The plot hardly had me at the edge of my seat, so I had to rely on the strength of the romantic interests to get me through.
Unfortunately, what would occasionally sour the mood was this writing style that I just couldn’t make fit within this medieval fantasy realm. The use of words such as ‘toe-rag’ and ‘shut up’ and generally forming sentences that belonged in a 1990s high school, not battle-grounds of the dark ages, drove me near insane. I’ve read some reviews that praise the style, calling it fresh and fun. Personally it set my teeth on edge. I couldn’t get into the story the first time because the language annoyed me that much.
However, the second time I read it, I had to amend my previous rating from 2 stars to 3. Despite all it’s faults – and there are many – it still satisfies everything I need in a smutty book. It has:
1. Plenty of smut.
2. Sexy dragon men.
3. High quality smut scenes.
4. The right level of romance (without making me want to gag)
5. Sexy dragon men.
Therefore, I enjoyed it. And I began reading the next in the series (oh yes, there’s more) and began to enjoy some of them too.
I award this book 3 stars, and the
SEXIEST ADDITIONAL CONTENT AWARD
Where the story of Rhiannon and Bercelak widely outstrip that of Annwyl and Fearghus. Provided you don’t mind chains.
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I’d like my featured reviews to be ones I haven’t written myself. If you’d like me to feature a review on this blog, please comment below. Include your name, the review itself (or a link to the review) and a link to any websites or social media you can be found at.
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